It was yesterday

The clock is ticking and we can only move forward. No turning back. This is the 40th anniversary of our last Christmas together. I have listened to other family members from other crimes being interviewed and we all say the same thing. No matter how many years go by or how old we were, it was yesterday. I heard Malcom X's daughter say it on Oprah. I heard Debra Tate say it about Sharon. And I say it all the time. I believe this is the flashbulb memory effect.

It's been forty years since my grandmother had two Christmas trees. One in the living room for the adults and glass expensive ornaments and a smaller tree in the family room for the children to decorate and play with. It's been forty years since we decorated a peppermint soldier tree and were told we could have one a day or else have millions of cavities. Forty years since we played with Star Wars toys and my Aunt Susie gave me a special Cameo bracelet I lost years ago.

It has been forty years since my GG pulled all the linens and silverwear out of her dinning room credenza buffet and I helped her polish the silver and set the table. Since we had ice cream with chocolate syrup from the deep freeze. All of us making ice cream bowls off the buffet and sitting around the dinning room table.

That credenza is now in my daughter's room. I don't have a formal dinning room, nor do I need one. A flat screen tv with the APPLE TV box is on it and the cabinets are filled with stuffed animals and POP Funko characters. Sometimes when she isn't looking, I find myself slowly running my hand over the surface and wanting to get ready for that last Christmas Eve dinner. Waiting for family to get there, listening to her tell me to put on the dress she bought at Belks, and not to spoil my dinner with the popcorn we are supposed to string for the tree.

It was yesterday.